Most of the time sex is a lot of fun. In fact, it's the kind of fun that you relentlessly base every single evening around for a good chunk of your life, which clearly counts for something in the fun ratings. Sometimes, however, it stinks. And that can be for a multitude of reasons. Here are a few of them. Illustrations by Sam Taylor.
The Very Worst Sex You've Ever Had
The 10 Worst Sex Stories We've Ever Heard
There's this idea of sex we've all seen on TV: they're both hot, the chemistry is palpable, the positions are effortless and they both come at the same time in a fit of perfectly-aligned ecstasy. Sure, that kind of sex might happen to you sometimes. But a lot of the time, there's a knee to the groin, cum in the eye, a perilous slip in the shower, a finger in the wrong hole, or your mum walking in mid-climax. Sex can be messy, cause injuries, a source of mortifying embarrassment, or sometimes it's just boring and kind of crap. Yesterday on Hack and on our instagram , we asked for your anonymous bad sex stories, so we could all collectively stew over the pain and take solace in the fact that if someone yelled out, "Better than Kmart! We received too many submissions to include in full, but we've grouped the best ones in common themes that seemed to pop up along the way. Enjoy, and remember to ask for consent, use condoms, and stop talking about Kmart during intercourse.
We asked for your bad sex stories
Last week, we put out a call for the best worst bad sex stories. And boy, did readers come through. In fact, the hundreds and hundreds of submissions we received make us want to retire our genitals forever.
This dude just had no rhythm. At all. It was a really weird set of thrusts. To which he continued the weird, uncoordinated and non-rhythmic thrusts. It was with my ex boyfriend.